Tangent_Genius

Another trip

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 21:08:45 GMT

I turn 19 in February and my insurance stops covering me. If I'm in school the insurance stays so I think I'm going to go to a second semester of college starting around January so that I can get some general classes done and keep my insurance. I still have until January to do whatever I want though, so I've thought of a few things. I can either stick around here and get a job and start saving money for a more planned trip.. start writing a book.. and basically just wait around until the second semester starts.. or I can just randomly hitchike west, completely broke, and see how I do haha. I would save up some money before I go but if I have to be back by January, I don't have too much time. So it's either stick around and have money, or leave with nothing. I'm thinking of asking someone to come along with me this time though. The bike trip was lonely at times and it would just be easier if I had someone with me. All you really need is rain clothes, a backpack, a tent, and a sleeping bag. I haven't decided if I'm going to yet, but I'm considering it.

Everything is done, I'm leaving tonight.

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 23:13:44 GMT

dedgar05: so are you gonna bike all the way to the south
ClowneTowne05: hopefully
dedgar05: thats far as hell
dedgar05: it would be easier on motorcycle but not as impressive
ClowneTowne05: i know
dedgar05: it would be nice if it was still safe to hitch hike
ClowneTowne05: biking all that way is pretty impressive haha
ClowneTowne05: but motorcycle would be danks
dedgar05: ya dude if you ride from california to portsmouth they will put you in the front page
dedgar05: motorcycle would be danks
ClowneTowne05: i wonder if they would put me in the front page haha
dedgar05: you just gotta hype up your story
dedgar05: say you had to over come adversity along the way

Ocean Goodbye

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 20:11:02 GMT

I'm almost done packing my bag for the trip and I've been cleaning my room. I found an old poem that somewhat fits me leaving, and since I found it in the process of leaving, I'm going to post it. No one reads my journal anymore anyway.

I was out on a boat
Out on the ocean
Thinking about you
About how I missed you
The tide was lowering
The boat touching ground
I stepped out onto the water
My knees above sea level
Is this how he did it?
Is this how god walked?
This time I’ll stand still
With nowhere to go
The boat has drifted away
With the water now rising
To the two little bumps
Above my upper lip
The salt tastes like kissing you
When you were afraid
Afraid of me leaving you
And now I’m gone

Goodbye

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 22:18:55 GMT

Packing my bags
Time is a drag
Smell myself to make sure I'm still there

I'm alone in the park
With the saber-tooth shark
And every pretty girl that broke my heart

Receding lines
Broken dimes
Who's gonna meet their match this time?

The maker's at home
Smoking a bone
I'm on my own, I'm on my own

These nightmares
Nightmares
With the repeating cast of characters

I don't wanna talk
When my thoughts are untrue
I hate myself when I think like you

Cause its over
It's over
It's ancient, it's so old

It's ancient
It's ancient
It's so old, lets call the whole thing off

Say goodbye, I won't cry
Old friend, I'll see you again

Anyone else want to challenge me?

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 03:14:22 GMT

Mere1188: lets free style
Mere1188: you drop a beat first
ClowneTowne05: a beat or a rhyme? get your shit straight haha
ClowneTowne05: give me a subject
Mere1188: hmmm
Mere1188: hos
ClowneTowne05: thats too easy
Mere1188: fine
Mere1188: oranges
ClowneTowne05: haha
ClowneTowne05: so the rap has to be about oranges, or it jsut has to start with orange?
Mere1188: nevermind you suck i can already tell
ClowneTowne05: im good, i just dont know your style
ClowneTowne05: you go first and then ill go from there
Mere1188: nah
ClowneTowne05: Ay yo meredith, tell me what you want, do you want to rap and talk shit? Just be blunt. If we rap about oranges, I'll just peel you down, leave you naked, like a ho downtown. Which reminds me of another thing, the hos you wanted to rap about. I just didn't want to offend you because you're the only thing I'd talk about.
ClowneTowne05: Ohhh burn haha
Mere1188: wow
Mere1188: i didnt think you had it in you
Mere1188: but i have to say taht was pretty damn good
Mere1188: im impressed
ClowneTowne05: haha yeah
ClowneTowne05: anyway, its your turn now
Mere1188: well now i cant beat that shit
Mere1188: shit

Chicago

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 18:42:41 GMT

This basically sums up my time in Chicago.. I will elaborate later.

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 07:16:31 GMT

If I get an image as a tattoo.. I might get this.. but I doubt it.

EDIT:
I might just get text again either on the other side of my hip.. with lyrics like "You've got your good thing and I've got mine" or instead of I've got mine, I would probably get "and you've got mine" which is the end of the Pixies In Heaven song. It says both things, so I could get either. Oh and I also might get something near one of my collar bones. Maybe that's where I'll get "there is nothing that can kill you."

Fuck computers

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 05:31:00 GMT

I probably won't be online very much anymore, probably not even on AIM. My computer is fucked (It's been on for like 5 years straight and my video card is shit) so I can only go on for a while until it goes crazy. It's even hard watching my porn, and that’s no good. So anyway, I'm going to Chicago on Friday for two weekends, two awesome two day concerts.. so I wont be here to use the computer. So yeah, sorry if you don't get to talk to me as much. Maybe I'll get a laptop sometime.

IN HEAVEN, EVERYTHING IS FINE (Tattoo)

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 18:52:00 GMT

Leave me alone.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 08:05:26 GMT

Therapy and Psychiatry make me want to kill myself. What are you going to do now? Quite the predicament. You can’t treat my suicidal tendencies by creating more, can you? I guess everyone should just explode.

Why do you still read my Live Jounral?

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 07:57:10 GMT

I'm not letting people borrow stuff from me ever again. What ever happened to the days when someone let you borrow something, so in return you gave it back in excellent condition and maybe did extra nice stuff too. I've let people borrow movies, most recently Eternal Sunshine to my mom, and all I get back is shit. Now I have to get another copy of it. Lame.

People just need security. P.S. Jesus was just a philosopher.

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 04:28:30 GMT

I hate talking about religion, but when someone brings it up, I just have to ask:

Q. “How did we get here?”

A. “God created us.”

Q. “How do you know?”

A. “You just have to believe.”

Q. “How was God created?”

A. “We don’t know, you just have to believe.”

Q. “Why cant you just believe that we formed ourselves somehow?”

A. “God created us, you just have to believe.”

Q. “Why is it that we have to create something to believe in (God), instead of just believing that we somehow ended up here?”

A. “Because that’s preposterous (haha). There has to be a God, a heaven, and a hell because otherwise I won't know what will happen to me when I die. It will also be harder for me to let go of loved ones, because without a heaven I won't be able to meet up with them again eventually. Also, if there isn’t a hell then I’ve wasted my whole life being good when I could have had more fun. But don’t worry, you’ll never change my mind because just like all religious people, I’m as biased as politically correct extremists and Michael Moore combined.”

Q. “Why can’t you just be your own God and make decisions like the difference between right and wrong for yourself? I was just asking a question, I wasn't trying to change what you believe. P.S. Fuck people trying to press their beliefs on me, especially the cult of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Believe in God if you want, I just don’t like that the only argument for God being real is that ‘you just have to believe.’”

P.P.S. This conversation has actually happened to me a few times, with the exception of the last two comments. The last two comments were just how I think the conversation would go if people actually told the truth.. and if people actually said preposterous in normal conversations. Oh and "politically correct extremists" is just a term I used for the type of people that get mad when I say the word gay in any context. You can't reason with those people.

If you have a better argument, comment.

New pictures.. well not really.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 01:22:26 GMT

Salvia song that I don't remember writing. Not done.

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 02:05:02 GMT

It's dark, the pages stopped turning.
I was gone for 10 minutes..
But I've forgotten it all now.

Theres no way out now
I've woken up from a good dream
That I thought was my life.

This is how it's supposed to be
I'm just part of a book now
My life has gone on without me.

And I will wait here.

I know myself now.
I know myself now.

Edit: Another unfinished song..

I walked into the water
With my arms broken
And my body tired

So I kicked my legs
And took my last breaths

I don't know what to do
I'm going to drown
I'm going to die

Premise for a show:

Sun, 22 May 2005 03:23:44 GMT

Juvenile Hall: Scared Straight with Michael Jackson.

P.S. Sam and I thought of this together.

Wed, 18 May 2005 02:53:57 GMT

I'm back. Got in a few fights. Got suspended. Mom had to pick me up. So I'm back.

Thu, 12 May 2005 22:35:52 GMT

I'm camping out for a few days. I will still probably be in school. My psychiatrist thinks that I'm beyond fixing and they want to test me. So here I go.

Fri, 06 May 2005 05:13:59 GMT

I'm finishing school, getting a job really soon, and writing a book really soon. This time I really mean it. I need to find a way to make about $15,000. I have one other way to make the money, but I can't say it right now. I figure the job will help me get some of the money, and get me going. I can use my extra time in school to read and write. I will write a book that’s about 100 or so pages (and I can write 10 pages in about an hour). Throughout the book I will have little excerpts of writings I have lying around my house. These will go along with the book and help explain stuff. I might as well use all the little scraps of writing because otherwise they'll just sit there. Once I finish the main parts of the book, with the added stuff thrown in, I will put a bunch of old short stories at the end. I have about 10 book ideas but I will probably just start something new (or use those book ideas as new short stories). So really, I think I’m going to do it this time.

P.S. Sorry that this sounds retarded and choppy, I hate writing on the computer, and I've already taken my sleeping pills to go to sleep.

P.P.S. Fuck depression. It comes and goes.

All about me again.

Thu, 05 May 2005 07:19:55 GMT

I decided to post this again to see if anyone would respond.. and to see if people have changed their minds.

What would you do if:
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I was becoming suicidal:
I killed myself:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:

What Do You Think About My:
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:

Would You:
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth, no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Do me:

Here's the original:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tangent_genius/41936.html

Here is something for you to read that means nothing.

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 03:07:06 GMT

A plan for a slacker.

Overdosing on drugs is fun until you die. But then you don't have to think about it.

I like to punch stuff and break stuff. But not really. I just thought it.

I don’t worry about the future, which isn't smart, but it's interesting.

Something along those lines. That sounds like a good time. Sounds like a dumb plan. But I'm a dumb kid. And that’s the kind of thing that I do.

"God made mistakes. We threw rocks at the sky." -Wolf Parade

Go wild and burn out after a few months and feel like shit. You've been controlled for so long that you don’t know any better. But you'll be normal again after a while. I'm sure you'll be fine. And fun.

Fun first few days. Then fade to boring.

I rule over myself but I make most of the right decisions. I don’t need someone following my every move to make sure it's right.

I hear Nazi is a bad thing. There are a lot of those.

And I haven't written for a while. Not because I haven't thought. Because I haven't cared. I don’t care to share or remember. But I guess every now and then I get the feeling.

I like short choppy sentences. Because that’s the way that people think.

And I want to write a letter to someone.

When isn't it a good time to play strip poker and spin the bottle?
That time wouldn't be a good one.

I wouldn't mind if I went blind because you could just give me paper without lines and I can write then. And someone can fix it up. And I will have music. But with my eyes closed at all times. Which is like being surrounded.

Paper without lines. Or boundaries.

And when I say you, I wonder who I mean. I guess the general public but I'm sure I mean something else.

I'm not trying to be deep. It's weird to write down random stuff and see what comes out.

I hate rhyming. The first thing I think of when I say run or fun is gun. Why does my mind love symmetry and rhyming?

And I will make art with writing because writing is art, ok?

And there was silence. And there were mountains. And there were stars in the light.

When I explain certain things about myself, I say that I feel bad saying those things. But I don't really feel bad. It just sounds like the right thing to say.

And bored again. Up for fun?

I hate poetry class / girls / crystal

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 20:08:40 GMT

Crys4ART: how do you like short story poetry?
ClowneTowne05: its alright for now
Crys4ART: i thought that you didnt like mrs potter
Crys4ART: because she was sexist or something
ClowneTowne05: i dont
ClowneTowne05: i hate her
ClowneTowne05: because shes a feminazi
Crys4ART: so why did you sign up
ClowneTowne05: it was either that or statistics
Crys4ART: i think you might have done better in statistics
Crys4ART: lol
Crys4ART: specially if you hate potter
Crys4ART: its the only class i have so its not bad
ClowneTowne05: well yeah i am good at math.. its just lame how miss potter is going to give homework
Crys4ART: what other classes are you taking
ClowneTowne05: i didnt know that she was teaching it until i switched
Crys4ART: oh oh
ClowneTowne05: physics and money makes the world go round
Crys4ART: thats a class
ClowneTowne05: thats why i didnt go to class the first day.. i switched into her class.. then i was walking to class and i was looking at who the teacher was.. and i saw it was her.. so i turned around and went home and thought about waht to do.. but im too lazy to do anything about it
Crys4ART: thats no good
ClowneTowne05: its lame because its just a bunch of you lame girls who have all these built up feelings that come out so nicely on paper.. except its lame
ClowneTowne05: so i have to listen to girls all quarter.. she probably wont even mention male poets haha
Crys4ART: and youll fail this class or get a d and your lazy and you think that you have this gift of doing nothing and being so torn inside
ClowneTowne05: im not torn inside?
ClowneTowne05: im just lazy
ClowneTowne05: and non emotional like girls
Crys4ART: well whatever is wrong with you makes you suck at life i would rather express my emotions then pretend i dont have any
Crys4ART: grow up and stop acting like an idiot
ClowneTowne05: how do i act liek an idiot?
Crys4ART: your imature
ClowneTowne05: how so?
Crys4ART: the first thing you said to me in class was fag
ClowneTowne05: because i dont have to harp on breakups and write about how horrible my life is on paper as a poem
ClowneTowne05: whats wrong with saying fag?
Crys4ART: thats not what all gorls do
Crys4ART: girls
ClowneTowne05: whats wrong with fag?
Crys4ART: poetry is more than breakups and some people are serious about it
Crys4ART: some people actually want to learn something
ClowneTowne05: some people not highschool girls
ClowneTowne05: and why is it that the majority of the class is women?
Crys4ART: im a highschool girl and i want to learn
ClowneTowne05: most great poets were men
Crys4ART: because guys dont care about their feelings
ClowneTowne05: poetry isnt only about feelings
ClowneTowne05: its about interpretation
ClowneTowne05: im not saying that i dont like poetry
ClowneTowne05: poetry is amazing
Crys4ART: i know that
ClowneTowne05: i listen to poetry every day
ClowneTowne05: through my headphones
ClowneTowne05: but you keep forgetting to tell me whats wrong with saying fag.. which makes me immature?
Crys4ART: its about experiences and i want to learn about it
Crys4ART: why do you have to say it its a rude way of calling someone homosexual and you use it all the time my sisters junior high friends say it and its stupid
Crys4ART: brb
ClowneTowne05: its a word.. youre the immature one for thinking of it in a bad way. was i saying it in a hateful way towards homosexuals? its just a term that ive been raised saying, and sometimes i say it jokingly.. words arent bad things.. the way people act while saying the words can be a bad thing
Crys4ART: ok dylan you win
Crys4ART: im immature
ClowneTowne05: i always do
Crys4ART: as long as your satisfied
ClowneTowne05: as long as you use the correct use of you're.

Basically I’m retarded

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 22:13:26 GMT

It popped into my head so I wrote it down.

The rabbit said hi to me
And the rabbit said hi to me
And I know that he lied to me
Yeah I know that he lied to me
But he never told me he was a saint
In fact I think he told me he wasn’t a saint

But I believed what he lied to me
Yeah I believed what he lied to me
And I followed his lies
He fooled me with his lies

He didn’t do it with wrong thoughts
He just wanted a friend
Didn’t have what it took to get one
So he made it up instead

And I know what its like
And I’ve done it before
I’ve fallen for it before
I’ve followed it to its death before

But not this time
He just needed to say hi
The lies only get me to join
But I’ll never believe

I just wanted a friend

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:31:00 GMT

xemoxsucksx

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 00:19:34 GMT

Just to let you all know, I use black text to reflect the color of my soul.

Oh, I'll explain.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 04:29:54 GMT

I think I'm going to start a religion. I know everything, so it’s only right to let other people know. I also use ideas from other people, so I bet I could make a religion that most people could agree on. Plus, it wont be a million years old. I say I'll do this, but it will take a long time and I'll either start it and never finish, or I won’t start. Either way, I’ve got it down. I don’t like calling myself agnostic just because I don’t believe any major religions.. and I'm not atheist.

Anyway, I'll probably post more often.. about funny stuff again, and also about awesome stuff.

If I ever get to writing down my bad trip experiences, that would be nice. I just need to write them so that other people can understand them (writing what happened then rewriting and such until I get it closest to what happened without confusing too many people). It annoys me that I always have bad trips. I'm always so calm and relaxed like you’re supposed to be, but then something takes over. I think the reason why I have bad trips is because even though I'm so calm and relaxed on the outside, (mostly due to suppressing and forgetting stuff) the drugs allow me to be myself completely.. and I'm guessing myself completely isn’t a fun place to be. Even though the experiences are so scary that it’s unimaginable, they are amazing to look back on. Anyway, I'll go into it more later, right now I am just briefing everyone.