| Another trip |
[21 Oct 2005|04:59pm] |
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I turn 19 in February and my insurance stops covering me. If I'm in school the insurance stays so I think I'm going to go to a second semester of college starting around January so that I can get some general classes done and keep my insurance. I still have until January to do whatever I want though, so I've thought of a few things. I can either stick around here and get a job and start saving money for a more planned trip.. start writing a book.. and basically just wait around until the second semester starts.. or I can just randomly hitchike west, completely broke, and see how I do haha. I would save up some money before I go but if I have to be back by January, I don't have too much time. So it's either stick around and have money, or leave with nothing. I'm thinking of asking someone to come along with me this time though. The bike trip was lonely at times and it would just be easier if I had someone with me. All you really need is rain clothes, a backpack, a tent, and a sleeping bag. I haven't decided if I'm going to yet, but I'm considering it.
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| Everything is done, I'm leaving tonight. |
[07 Sep 2005|07:11pm] |
dedgar05: so are you gonna bike all the way to the south
ClowneTowne05: hopefully
dedgar05: thats far as hell
dedgar05: it would be easier on motorcycle but not as impressive
ClowneTowne05: i know
dedgar05: it would be nice if it was still safe to hitch hike
ClowneTowne05: biking all that way is pretty impressive haha
ClowneTowne05: but motorcycle would be danks
dedgar05: ya dude if you ride from california to portsmouth they will put you in the front page
dedgar05: motorcycle would be danks
ClowneTowne05: i wonder if they would put me in the front page haha
dedgar05: you just gotta hype up your story
dedgar05: say you had to over come adversity along the way
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| Ocean Goodbye |
[06 Sep 2005|04:08pm] |
I'm almost done packing my bag for the trip and I've been cleaning my room. I found an old poem that somewhat fits me leaving, and since I found it in the process of leaving, I'm going to post it. No one reads my journal anymore anyway.
I was out on a boat
Out on the ocean
Thinking about you
About how I missed you
The tide was lowering
The boat touching ground
I stepped out onto the water
My knees above sea level
Is this how he did it?
Is this how god walked?
This time I’ll stand still
With nowhere to go
The boat has drifted away
With the water now rising
To the two little bumps
Above my upper lip
The salt tastes like kissing you
When you were afraid
Afraid of me leaving you
And now I’m gone
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| Goodbye |
[03 Sep 2005|06:12pm] |
Packing my bags
Time is a drag
Smell myself to make sure I'm still there
I'm alone in the park
With the saber-tooth shark
And every pretty girl that broke my heart
Receding lines
Broken dimes
Who's gonna meet their match this time?
The maker's at home
Smoking a bone
I'm on my own, I'm on my own
These nightmares
Nightmares
With the repeating cast of characters
I don't wanna talk
When my thoughts are untrue
I hate myself when I think like you
Cause its over
It's over
It's ancient, it's so old
It's ancient
It's ancient
It's so old, lets call the whole thing off
Say goodbye, I won't cry
Old friend, I'll see you again
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| Anyone else want to challenge me? |
[30 Aug 2005|11:07pm] |
Mere1188: lets free style
Mere1188: you drop a beat first
ClowneTowne05: a beat or a rhyme? get your shit straight haha
ClowneTowne05: give me a subject
Mere1188: hmmm
Mere1188: hos
ClowneTowne05: thats too easy
Mere1188: fine
Mere1188: oranges
ClowneTowne05: haha
ClowneTowne05: so the rap has to be about oranges, or it jsut has to start with orange?
Mere1188: nevermind you suck i can already tell
ClowneTowne05: im good, i just dont know your style
ClowneTowne05: you go first and then ill go from there
Mere1188: nah
ClowneTowne05: Ay yo meredith, tell me what you want, do you want to rap and talk shit? Just be blunt. If we rap about oranges, I'll just peel you down, leave you naked, like a ho downtown. Which reminds me of another thing, the hos you wanted to rap about. I just didn't want to offend you because you're the only thing I'd talk about.
ClowneTowne05: Ohhh burn haha
Mere1188: wow
Mere1188: i didnt think you had it in you
Mere1188: but i have to say taht was pretty damn good
Mere1188: im impressed
ClowneTowne05: haha yeah
ClowneTowne05: anyway, its your turn now
Mere1188: well now i cant beat that shit
Mere1188: shit
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| Chicago |
[27 Jul 2005|02:41pm] |
This basically sums up my time in Chicago.. I will elaborate later.
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[15 Jul 2005|03:16am] |
If I get an image as a tattoo.. I might get this.. but I doubt it.
EDIT:
I might just get text again either on the other side of my hip.. with lyrics like "You've got your good thing and I've got mine" or instead of I've got mine, I would probably get "and you've got mine" which is the end of the Pixies In Heaven song. It says both things, so I could get either. Oh and I also might get something near one of my collar bones. Maybe that's where I'll get "there is nothing that can kill you."
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| Fuck computers |
[13 Jul 2005|01:24am] |
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I probably won't be online very much anymore, probably not even on AIM. My computer is fucked (It's been on for like 5 years straight and my video card is shit) so I can only go on for a while until it goes crazy. It's even hard watching my porn, and that’s no good. So anyway, I'm going to Chicago on Friday for two weekends, two awesome two day concerts.. so I wont be here to use the computer. So yeah, sorry if you don't get to talk to me as much. Maybe I'll get a laptop sometime.
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| Leave me alone. |
[12 Jun 2005|04:03am] |
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Therapy and Psychiatry make me want to kill myself. What are you going to do now? Quite the predicament. You can’t treat my suicidal tendencies by creating more, can you? I guess everyone should just explode.
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| Why do you still read my Live Jounral? |
[12 Jun 2005|03:54am] |
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I'm not letting people borrow stuff from me ever again. What ever happened to the days when someone let you borrow something, so in return you gave it back in excellent condition and maybe did extra nice stuff too. I've let people borrow movies, most recently Eternal Sunshine to my mom, and all I get back is shit. Now I have to get another copy of it. Lame.
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| People just need security. P.S. Jesus was just a philosopher. |
[09 Jun 2005|12:19am] |
I hate talking about religion, but when someone brings it up, I just have to ask:
Q. “How did we get here?”
A. “God created us.”
Q. “How do you know?”
A. “You just have to believe.”
Q. “How was God created?”
A. “We don’t know, you just have to believe.”
Q. “Why cant you just believe that we formed ourselves somehow?”
A. “God created us, you just have to believe.”
Q. “Why is it that we have to create something to believe in (God), instead of just believing that we somehow ended up here?”
A. “Because that’s preposterous (haha). There has to be a God, a heaven, and a hell because otherwise I won't know what will happen to me when I die. It will also be harder for me to let go of loved ones, because without a heaven I won't be able to meet up with them again eventually. Also, if there isn’t a hell then I’ve wasted my whole life being good when I could have had more fun. But don’t worry, you’ll never change my mind because just like all religious people, I’m as biased as politically correct extremists and Michael Moore combined.”
Q. “Why can’t you just be your own God and make decisions like the difference between right and wrong for yourself? I was just asking a question, I wasn't trying to change what you believe. P.S. Fuck people trying to press their beliefs on me, especially the cult of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Believe in God if you want, I just don’t like that the only argument for God being real is that ‘you just have to believe.’”
P.P.S. This conversation has actually happened to me a few times, with the exception of the last two comments. The last two comments were just how I think the conversation would go if people actually told the truth.. and if people actually said preposterous in normal conversations. Oh and "politically correct extremists" is just a term I used for the type of people that get mad when I say the word gay in any context. You can't reason with those people.
If you have a better argument, comment.
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| Salvia song that I don't remember writing. Not done. |
[02 Jun 2005|09:59pm] |
It's dark, the pages stopped turning.
I was gone for 10 minutes..
But I've forgotten it all now.
Theres no way out now
I've woken up from a good dream
That I thought was my life.
This is how it's supposed to be
I'm just part of a book now
My life has gone on without me.
And I will wait here.
I know myself now.
I know myself now.
Edit: Another unfinished song..
I walked into the water
With my arms broken
And my body tired
So I kicked my legs
And took my last breaths
I don't know what to do
I'm going to drown
I'm going to die
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| Premise for a show: |
[21 May 2005|11:22pm] |
Juvenile Hall: Scared Straight with Michael Jackson.
P.S. Sam and I thought of this together.
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[17 May 2005|10:49pm] |
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I'm back. Got in a few fights. Got suspended. Mom had to pick me up. So I'm back.
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[12 May 2005|06:34pm] |
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I'm camping out for a few days. I will still probably be in school. My psychiatrist thinks that I'm beyond fixing and they want to test me. So here I go.
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[06 May 2005|01:05am] |
I'm finishing school, getting a job really soon, and writing a book really soon. This time I really mean it. I need to find a way to make about $15,000. I have one other way to make the money, but I can't say it right now. I figure the job will help me get some of the money, and get me going. I can use my extra time in school to read and write. I will write a book that’s about 100 or so pages (and I can write 10 pages in about an hour). Throughout the book I will have little excerpts of writings I have lying around my house. These will go along with the book and help explain stuff. I might as well use all the little scraps of writing because otherwise they'll just sit there. Once I finish the main parts of the book, with the added stuff thrown in, I will put a bunch of old short stories at the end. I have about 10 book ideas but I will probably just start something new (or use those book ideas as new short stories). So really, I think I’m going to do it this time.
P.S. Sorry that this sounds retarded and choppy, I hate writing on the computer, and I've already taken my sleeping pills to go to sleep.
P.P.S. Fuck depression. It comes and goes.
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| All about me again. |
[05 May 2005|03:17am] |
I decided to post this again to see if anyone would respond.. and to see if people have changed their minds.
What would you do if:
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I was becoming suicidal:
I killed myself:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
What Do You Think About My:
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Would You:
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth, no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Do me:
Here's the original:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/tangent_genius/41936.html
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| Here is something for you to read that means nothing. |
[27 Apr 2005|10:45pm] |
A plan for a slacker.
Overdosing on drugs is fun until you die. But then you don't have to think about it.
I like to punch stuff and break stuff. But not really. I just thought it.
I don’t worry about the future, which isn't smart, but it's interesting.
Something along those lines. That sounds like a good time. Sounds like a dumb plan. But I'm a dumb kid. And that’s the kind of thing that I do.
"God made mistakes. We threw rocks at the sky." -Wolf Parade
Go wild and burn out after a few months and feel like shit. You've been controlled for so long that you don’t know any better. But you'll be normal again after a while. I'm sure you'll be fine. And fun.
Fun first few days. Then fade to boring.
I rule over myself but I make most of the right decisions. I don’t need someone following my every move to make sure it's right.
I hear Nazi is a bad thing. There are a lot of those.
And I haven't written for a while. Not because I haven't thought. Because I haven't cared. I don’t care to share or remember. But I guess every now and then I get the feeling.
I like short choppy sentences. Because that’s the way that people think.
And I want to write a letter to someone.
When isn't it a good time to play strip poker and spin the bottle?
That time wouldn't be a good one.
I wouldn't mind if I went blind because you could just give me paper without lines and I can write then. And someone can fix it up. And I will have music. But with my eyes closed at all times. Which is like being surrounded.
Paper without lines. Or boundaries.
And when I say you, I wonder who I mean. I guess the general public but I'm sure I mean something else.
I'm not trying to be deep. It's weird to write down random stuff and see what comes out.
I hate rhyming. The first thing I think of when I say run or fun is gun. Why does my mind love symmetry and rhyming?
And I will make art with writing because writing is art, ok?
And there was silence. And there were mountains. And there were stars in the light.
When I explain certain things about myself, I say that I feel bad saying those things. But I don't really feel bad. It just sounds like the right thing to say.
And bored again. Up for fun?
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